It’s like watching your heart walk around outside of your body.
That’s a paraphrase, of a paraphrased quote, I stumbled upon yesterday.
Being a mother is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body.
Mine is being dragged through life by these two tiny creatures who call me “Mom”.
Every defect they have, every deficit they carry, every flaw – it comes from me.
Every loneliness they’ll know. Every gnawing pang of rejection. Every unfulfilled yearning. Every fit of rage or anxiety or anguish. Every failing. It all comes from me. All the worst of me is taking root in these tiny, helpless creatures.
I am powerless to protect my them. How can I help them to overcome themselves when I have yet to overcome myself.
And yet, I see Henry and Margot on the floor. Chubby bare legs. Sticky faces and hands. Giggling. In spite of me. An extension of me. There, I see my heart. And I am filled with hope.